Good....ness.

This week/weekend has been rough. I honestly feel like checking myself into the hospital. I feel dead. If I had insurance, I'd probably already be there. My heart randomly feels like it's gonna beat out of my chest, and I feel it beating in other places. At least it's a strong heart beat. I constantly feel like I'm gonna pass out at the drop of a hat. I feel nauseated all of the time. Ugh. Stress, you have won the battle. It's beddy bye time for me. Lord willing I can sleep.
/random and pointlessness

Not a very good start to a new blog

But I gotta get it out of my system. I'm seriously about to check myself into a mental hospital if things don't stop. I cannot handle this any longer. My anger fits are more frequent when they're here. I honestly can't keep this up. Something bad is gonna happen to me if it doesn't stop. I'm scared. And it doesn't help that my sweetheart is what seems like a million miles away in California with his mom. I'm happy for him bc they haven't seen one another in 3 years and they needed that time together. I just miss him so much. He helps keep me sane. He helps me to not have urges to go back to cutting. I need him. I need his comforting words and his sweet advice. I just wish I would have went with them. His mom offered to pay for everything, but I didn't know what to do. I was scared bc I've never been on a plane and it's just kinda scary if you've never been in the air like that. What really pisses me off when they're here is that she doesn't watch her kids like she should and it's up to mom and I to do it. She has a headache so that's her excuse to lay in the guest room and watch tv and talk all night on the phone. Mom is sick and so am I. We don't feel like chasing those kids around anymore than she does, but they aren't our responsibility. I've already had a slight panic attack today and I almost had another while cooking dinner, which I need to go check on. Yay for stroganoff hamburger helper. Well, I'm done ranting for the time being. I'm just gonna keep praying and let God have it all bc I have nothing left to give.

Intro to the lady on the other side of the monitor.

So, how are ya? Gooooood. Urm, I'm Jania and I'm from Alabama [gags lol ok not rly] and I'm 21. I act more like a kid than anything, but I do know how to act in adult like situations. Let's see. I'm new to blogger if you can't tell. I usually use LJ but I got invited on here and I was like well why not, bc I've been looking for something different to express myself on bc I'm tired of basically being bashed on LJ so yeah. I'm a complete dork and music freak. I love musicals and all types of art. I love every type of music. I don't really know what else to say at this moment, because I'm not really feeling to well. I'm coming down with a sinus infection and it sucks to say the least. But when I get a chance, I'll post something else. Laderz.