Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Not a very good start to a new blog
But I gotta get it out of my system. I'm seriously about to check myself into a mental hospital if things don't stop. I cannot handle this any longer. My anger fits are more frequent when they're here. I honestly can't keep this up. Something bad is gonna happen to me if it doesn't stop. I'm scared. And it doesn't help that my sweetheart is what seems like a million miles away in California with his mom. I'm happy for him bc they haven't seen one another in 3 years and they needed that time together. I just miss him so much. He helps keep me sane. He helps me to not have urges to go back to cutting. I need him. I need his comforting words and his sweet advice. I just wish I would have went with them. His mom offered to pay for everything, but I didn't know what to do. I was scared bc I've never been on a plane and it's just kinda scary if you've never been in the air like that. What really pisses me off when they're here is that she doesn't watch her kids like she should and it's up to mom and I to do it. She has a headache so that's her excuse to lay in the guest room and watch tv and talk all night on the phone. Mom is sick and so am I. We don't feel like chasing those kids around anymore than she does, but they aren't our responsibility. I've already had a slight panic attack today and I almost had another while cooking dinner, which I need to go check on. Yay for stroganoff hamburger helper. Well, I'm done ranting for the time being. I'm just gonna keep praying and let God have it all bc I have nothing left to give.
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3 comments:
Kids are hard to handle--she shouldn't put that kind of pressure on you and your mom. Plus, when the kids grow up, they might have problems obeying her because of a fuzzy authority complex. On my mom's side, I have a few aunts/cousins/sister who sort of dumps their kids off on my grandma. Granny just takes it, even though she's way too old to deal with toddlers and her health hasn't been good. Those cousins who depend on her to watch their kids were once the kids their parents dumped off on Granny when they had to "go get groceries" or do a little "alone shopping." So the cycle repeated.
So I feel for you and your mom, 'cause I've seen that process. I think most families have had something similar going on at some point.
I hope your boo comes back and gives you a big hug :) You need one. Don't despair, sweet! (Though I do sort of think Cali was made for you! and it would have been cool if you'd visited. . . Trips equal fun.)
I just noticed...I sort of rambled on forever. Hee. Sorry.
Aww feel better Jania Banana Fanta
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